GOOOOAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!

I have strange dreams.
Not the ones you have while sleeping. Although I have those too- like this one from last week where I was fighting a horde of Gamorrean guards from Return Of The Jedi only they were zombies and all I had was a golf pencil and one of those conical cardboard birthday hats.
I mean I have strange goals.

Oh sure, some of my goals are everyday, average normal- finish that at work, save up for this that I don't need to survive but really REALLY want, try not to beat my coworkers to death, spend more time doing this, spend less time doing that....

But the things I dream of:
* have a descented skunk and a pygmy goat (named "Jeepers") as pets
* owning a home of my own with either a moat or a dungeon (both would be ideal but beggars / choosers) and a red room with a stuffed camel or rhino
* grandkids- I don't want kids but I want grandkids. Not quite sure yet how I can make that one work
* meeting the woman of my dreams- red AND brown hair, taller than myself, athletic and artistic, who is as carnivorous as I am, named "Heather" or a name starting with 'J', possibly with a South African accent and NOT a lil' button nose (damn straight- I set my bar HIGH)
* surviving the upcoming zombie apocalypse (although this one might be more on the "dream" side rather than the "goal" side)
* a swimming pool filled with sharks and a rack filled with loaded Tommy guns (only valid if I win the lotto)
* never to get bitten by a shark (so far, so good!)
* to have no additional or replacement parts surgically attached/ inserted UNLESS we're talking sci-fi cyborg stuff like hydraulic limbs, a direct neural interface, or laser toes
* purchase one comic of each of the Trinity from the Golden Age, VG or greater (preferably one where they're fighting Nazis or WWII Japanese) --- UPDATE--- DONE!!!
* be on fire and have photographic evidence
* see the most beautiful sight I ever will ever and be truly at peace

As you can see, strange and largely unobtainable....