This Made Me SOOO Hungry

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

My Drunken View On Food

OK childrens, today's lesson is about FOOD & "The Food Chain" & specifically certain vegetarians.

I'm a firm believer in "The Food Chain". Being at the top o' the heap, humans can eat everything/anything underneath (if necessary). Doesn't mean we should (exclude dogs or kittens or your baby brother), but we can.


I am a carnivore. I love dead animals. Watching horror movies typically results in me wanting steak. I have been hungry to the point of looking at my dog and wondering how she'd barbecue. I have been standing next to cows and wanted to take bites out of them. I am 3 consecutively missed meals away from cannibalism.
But I also eat plants.

I don't understand the majority of vegetarians.
The ones I CAN abide are those who have to eat only plants due to some digestive problems they have. Those poor bastards have no choice and must exclude the deliciousness of cooked dead flesh (damn, gettin' hungry already).
The ones I can't stand are those "in your face" vegetarian a-holes. You're sitting there, enjoying your well-prepared ex-cow, and these fucks come up and start whining about how it's murder to be eating that intelligent animal.

Well, let me clue you dumb bastards in:
1) "Eating animals is murder." I do not condone the killing of animals wholesale. If you kill an animal, you should use that animal- as food or clothing. The only exception (and I'm still on the fence about this in many cases) is killing for self-defense. Or if the animal you want to kill is a shark; please feel free to wipe those out. I do NOT like hunters who kill for sport- there's no purpose and no challenge. A high-powered rifle versus a deer? Yeah, that's a real head-scratcher on who's going to win there. It's difficult, you say? I bet sitting quietly, wearing your camouflage, spraying deer pheromones into the air, then spraying the deer with bullets from the "semi-auto" setting is REAL hard. ---And like vegetarians don't swat flies or step on ants in their kitchen. Right....
2) "If you had to kill your own animals for their meat, you'd see it my way." Yes, I WOULD kill my own animals if I had to (fortunately, they tend to sell the parts I want at most grocery stores...). I come from a farming community. I clearly remember at the age of 4 holding down a chicken while my uncle chopped its head off, then being chased by a headless chicken. Sure, I was traumatized and had nightmares about it BUT I ATE THAT BIRD. I'm certain most people would resort to killing animals for food if they had to. However, doing such would mean:
a) a severe drop in animals, up to and including the extinction of many,
b) ranchers being out of a job,
c) over 90% of those over the age of 10 would have guns- a major "danger" sign if I ever heard of one. I can't help by think "Dick Cheney" on this one. BLAM!!!
3) "How can you eat that intelligent animal?" Animals domesticated for food aren't intelligent. Not anymore. Thousands of years of inbreeding have turned these creatures into mindless walking lunches. How do I know this? Again- I come from a farming community. Livestock cattle are some of the dumbest animals you can ever encounter. I have looked into the big soulful eyes of a cow then watched it line up to be slaughtered. Any animal that will calmly stand in line to be killed, watching those in the line ahead of it being killed, and not do anything? That is NOT an intelligent animal.
4) "Animals feel pain so it's cruel." Self-righteous shit. Yes, animals feel pain but that broccoli you ate? Are you honestly so kingdom-centric that you believe plants don't have senses also? Or is it simply because plants can't run away or scream that you want to pick on them?! I hate to see how you treat paraplegics or mutes.... I have to break it to you- every living thing feels. Don't think that line will work on me- I know better.
5) "Every life is sacred." Maybe. There are the hard-core vegans that won't eat (or wear or use) anything that comes from animals, and even those harder-core that will only eat fruit that has fallen off the plant. You poor silly fools (I bet you freeze during winter because you lack the natural iron from animal products)- do you realize you kill thousand of lives with every breathe you take? What do you think boogers are? Nothing but dust (which is primarily animals debris) and microorganisms (both plant and animal). We kill to survive. If you don't want to harm any living creature, the best way is suicide- then you only kill one.
6) "Let me show you this video of how they prepare the animals you eat and you'll never want to touch meat again." Seen it, loved it, ate ribs while viewing the selected highlights. I will agree that some practices concerning livestock today are cruel. I won't touch veal (even though it's delicious!!!) because of how the calves are treated. I once saw footage of a rat being cooked in Asia- they dipped the live rat in boiling oil to clean/ remove its fur, slammed it onto a frying pan, and slit the belly open- all while the poor thing's still screaming! You could see its heart beating while they fried it! That is going over the line. That is cruelty. That should not happen. Put me completely off rat, that did. I prefer my animals to be dead when they're digested. Being on the top of The Food Chain does not mean we should be allowed to abuse what our lunches come from. We can't live without these animals, so let's treat them fairly until they're cooking, OK? ---But I guarantee- if there was a video of the items going into your salad screaming as they were chopped up- every vegetarian would faint.
7) And you do realize that if The Rapture came, vegetarians would be the first ones cannibalized? Many are smaller, weaker, and less likely to kill first. ---Vegetarians! The new other white meat!!!---





To sum up:
While I agree that some of the current thinking towards food production is vicious and cruel, humans are omnivores and should consume both meat and vegetation as part of their diet. And vegetarians (at least those bitchy ones I've been ranting on about here) are, as a whole, self-righteous pussies who, like the French, should keep their noses outta other peoples' business. Don't try to convert me, don't Jehovah Witness me; just shut the fuck up and eat your damn salad.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some dead piggy to fry up.
Thank you.

How I Roll- Thanksgiving Style

Just replace the burger 'n fries with a dead bird....