Worst. Trip. E-V-E-R.

Before I even start- this rant is not about why I went or who I saw; this about getting there and back.

I should have realized it was going to be bad when the night before I was up late due to a computer crash and my dehumidifier hose cracking. So when I awoke at 4am Friday to go to work, I was already exhausted. My job was fine and I worked my 8 hours straight so I could get off early. After I got home, I packed up Fred and took her to the kennel then went to a hardware store to buy a new hose and some caulk cement (there was a crack I had missed when I re-mortared). When I got home, I found I bought the wrong size hose and ended up jamming it in, hoping it would stay.

My ride showed up and I was off to the airport. I got through security, plopped down, and watched some shows. About 30 minutes to take-off, they announced there was a problem and my 6pm flight would be delayed an hour. I wasn’t too concerned as my lay-over was almost 2 hours. An hour later they announced the plane was broken so another was being sent- in an hour & a half. After speaking with customer service, I discovered my connecting flight was not only United’s last flight to Sacto for the day but ORD’s last flight to Sacto for the day. Rather than wait, they booked me on a US Air flight that left ORD at 4am and got into SMF at 9:30am. For my inconvenience, they gave me a $150 travel voucher.

At this point, I have to mention I had not eaten since Thursday evening. And ATW only sells beer and cheese once you’re past security.

My flight finally came and went, with us arriving 10 minutes after my connecting flight had left. Figuring I would be sleeping at the airport, I wondered around and passed the gate where my connecting flight was to have departed. Lots of people were milling about. I inquired and found that the plane pushed back ten feet from the gate and died. An hour later they announced another plane would be taking us as they couldn’t fix this one. Oh, and the new plane would arrive in an hour & a half.
Everything except the newsstand was closed so I paid $9 for a small bag of beef jerky.

So it was after I was originally to arrive to Sacto when I left Chicago. I snoozed much of the way, and we arrived sometime between 2 and 3am. They did not serve anything to eat.

It was raining on and off all Saturday while we were packing my things into the rental van. Otherwise, no complaints.
It was about 3pm that we stopped by lunch and I got my first meal in 2 days.

On Monday, Mother Nature put out a hit on me.
The storm front which was supposed to come in Wednesday evening hit Monday afternoon, making the Northern routes impassable within an hour. Not wanting to get stuck, I decided to leave immediately and take a longer Southern route. Longer by 10 hours of driving.

There were the usual headaches on I-99, followed by thunderstorms on and off until Bakersfield. Then I was slammed with the worst snowstorm I have ever witnessed. The blanket of snow falling down was so heavy I couldn’t see the road, much less where to get off. Fortunately, it was wet snow so it melted as soon as it reached ground level and stopped altogether after 20 minutes.

I gassed up in Barstow and headed to Needles. The van I was in was getting about 8-9 miles a gallon BUT absolutely no gas stations were open between the two cities. I ran out of gas 2 miles outside Needles and had to walk alongside the highway at 1am in the pitch dark. Once that was sorted, I slept for 3 hours.

Shortly after starting again, I encountered the worst icestorm I ever witnessed about 60 miles West of Flagstaff. It came out of nowhere and faster than anything I’ve heard of. The vehicles on the road had no warning. One minute everyone was fine, and the next we’re sliding all over the place. Seven semis went off the road- one doing 2 or 3 360s. I lost control of the van for only a moment.
Flagstaff itself was snowed under.

The rest of Tuesday was quiet until I reached Albuquerque. Sandstorms. Ever try to pump gas in a sandstorm? It’s not fun.

Going Northeast from there, there were windstorms on and off, with gusts up to 50 mph. And some of the most boring landscape you could ever witness- yellow fields and small brown mountains. Lots of ‘em.

Part of my route took me from New Mexico to Texas to Oklahoma to Kansas in a little over one hour.
Kansas is a desolate nothing of déjà vu. Every city with a population under 20,000 looks exactly the same. Seriously. If you doubt me, drive East on a US highway through that armpit. Go ahead. I will accept only a formal written apology for your doubt.

There were guns being waved around in the parking lot of the hotel my sister recommended when I got to Dodge City.
So I got the hell outta Dodge.
Which extended Tuesday’s travel by 2 hours until I reached I-135. On the way, I think I may have hit an opossum :(
The person behind the counter at the hotel was the most androgynous Pat-looking thing I have ever seen. No idea the gender. The nametag said “Kris”.
I got into my room and passed out from exhaustion while taking off my shoes.

I was awoken by the maid to find I never managed to get under the covers and had slept on top of the sheets. AND had slept through 2 alarm clocks. So I was already behind when I left.

I was delayed further by a bridge that was out. Aside from that, it was smooth sailing until I-35.
More windstorms. MASSIVE windstorms. And they kept getting worse the further I got. I saw several vehicles, including a semi, pushed into the ditches by the winds. Much of the time I had my wheel at a 45-degree angle just to keep in my lane.

I quickly decided there was no way I would make it to home that day so I made several stops and met the slowest moving man ever. He actually LOOKED like a turtle.
I stopped for the night in Des Moines where the temperature dipped into the single digits at night. Fortunately there wasn’t any water on the roads.

I was off early Thursday and made good time. My main issue that day was mental and physical exhaustion.
I reached the Fox Valley about noon and immediately had to slow down. The stormfront that dogged me the entire way had brought 7-12 inches of icey snow the day before. Luckily I had no problems and pulled up to my house a bit after 2pm.
I “pulled up” as I couldn’t get into my driveway due to the snow- which had melted and refroze, making it unmanageable for my snowblower. It took me over 2 hours to clear the minimum of my drive and walkways with a shovel.
Then I went downstairs to discover the hose I shoved into my dehumidifier did NOT work and the dehumidifier had shut down when the tank was full- meaning lots of moisture in my cellar. Add to that my control knob on my washing machine came off in my hand.

*sigh*

But it’s done now (hooray).
I would like to thank everyone who helped me load and unload, my friend who put me up for the night (where were the damn pillow mints?!), those who carted me around, and whose those plans changed suddenly Monday afternoon (sorry ‘bout that).
Despite all the drama it was great to see you again.

And to remember why I left :)