Friday The 13th

OK, this is all sorts of messed up.
Someone tried to break into my house last night. They pried open one of the back windows, ripped (and I mean ripped) out the screen, and that's about as far as they got until Fred went at them.
All the time, I was sound asleep. And I mean sound. Tale goes that I slept through a thunderstorm in a tent when I was 5. I'm that sound of a sleeper.

The insane thing is, I didn't realize what had occurred until only a little while ago.
Something was up when I awoke this morning and Fred was all antsy. It got further boggling when I went to let her out and saw the window open. Thinking back, I could honestly not remember if that window had a screen or not. Going outside, I noticed the gate was open and the latch was missing, but the gate could easy open if the latch fell out. I looked around the house and everything seemed to be where I had left it. So I was puzzled for most of the morning.
It was only about 30 minutes ago that I found the screen, bent and ripped, in the backyard by the fence and all the pieces fell into place.

All of which leads me to WTF!!!
1) What kind of person would knowingly attempt a break-in when there's a sign on the gate that states there's a dog there? Only a complete moron.
2) I assume the "for rent" sign in the front yard had something to do with this. Maybe squatters. I mean, my place is rather emptied out already.
3) If it was a legit attempt at theft, I have to assume that whoever do not bother to check the place out ahead of time. If they did, they would have noted both the dog and that nearly everything worth anything is already gone. If this is the case, again- morons.

All this did was piss me off and make me waste 5 minutes repairing the screen (luckily, it's one of those that you can repair with a screwdriver).

And to whomever tried to break in:
I sincerely wish your family suffers and dies horribly in front of your eyes (perhaps to do with a wood-chipper), and later that day something indescribably painful happens to your scrotum only moments after you get ass-raped with an extremely large and ill-tempered sea anemone.
Fucker.

My Drunken View On Enemies

Enemies are better than friends.

* With enemies, you always know where you stand. Enemies will always stab you in the back; with friends, you have to wait and see.
* (Typically) you have to be nice and accommodating to friends; with enemies, you can tell them to piss off if you don't want to deal with them. Rudeness is acceptable AND encouraged!
* You can have meaningless, animal sex with an enemy and not feel the guilt you would by doing the same with a friend.
* There are 2 polar opposites with emotions: love and hate. While you like (or sometimes "friend" love) your friends, they are not usually the ONE you love. Your enemy is always the one you hate.
* With friends, you can get bored and fall into a rut; enemies keep you thinking by coming up with new & exciting ways to crush them.
* Enemies don't borrow your stuff and forget to give it back. Enemies steal your stuff, which is illegal, making it an arrestable offense.
* Friends don't have lairs, but enemies do. Lairs are cool.
* Good friends come and go. Hatred of an good enemy stays with you for life- if it's done right, beyond theirs :)