Chasing Pussy

There's this weird cat in my neighbor. No idea who it belongs to, if anyone. Big, black, with an odd square-shaped bushy tail, it has an unhealthy fascination with my dog.

We first ran into it next week. We were out for our nightly walk when I heard a meow behind us. Turning around, it was about 40 feet away, staring at Fred. Then it slowly came towards us. I stood there a moment, thinking it would veer off at any second. But it didn't. It was making a slow beeline for Fred. And Fred was just staring at it, as if also confused by its behaviour. When it got about 15 feet away, I pulled on Fred's leash and we walked away. And over shoulder, I could see the cat changing direction to follow us.
The morning on the next day, Fred and I were walking again and there it was! We stopped and I stood there to see what would happen. The cat slowly went all the way up to Fred- making no sound, no arching its back, nothing. And Fred was strangely inactive- no sound either, no wagging, just a sort of "WTF" look in her eyes. After several seconds, Fred made for an exploratory sniff.

FURRY FISTS OF FURY!!!!!

The action was so quick I couldn't make out the individual movements. Just a blur of black fur and a sharp YIPE from Fred. The next second Fred was cowering behind my leg and the cat was charging Fred then backing off, as if just then noticing I was between them. Again and again, the cat tried to dive-bomb Fred as we made our way back home.

We now see this cat almost EVERY time we go out. Sometimes it's just sitting there watching us, sometimes it slowly follows us, sometimes it chases us when we are jogging. I've noted that sometimes it tries to hide and spy on us- quickly dodging behind trash cans or trees when I turn around.


Beware the Stalker-Kitty!!!

Friday The 13th

OK, this is all sorts of messed up.
Someone tried to break into my house last night. They pried open one of the back windows, ripped (and I mean ripped) out the screen, and that's about as far as they got until Fred went at them.
All the time, I was sound asleep. And I mean sound. Tale goes that I slept through a thunderstorm in a tent when I was 5. I'm that sound of a sleeper.

The insane thing is, I didn't realize what had occurred until only a little while ago.
Something was up when I awoke this morning and Fred was all antsy. It got further boggling when I went to let her out and saw the window open. Thinking back, I could honestly not remember if that window had a screen or not. Going outside, I noticed the gate was open and the latch was missing, but the gate could easy open if the latch fell out. I looked around the house and everything seemed to be where I had left it. So I was puzzled for most of the morning.
It was only about 30 minutes ago that I found the screen, bent and ripped, in the backyard by the fence and all the pieces fell into place.

All of which leads me to WTF!!!
1) What kind of person would knowingly attempt a break-in when there's a sign on the gate that states there's a dog there? Only a complete moron.
2) I assume the "for rent" sign in the front yard had something to do with this. Maybe squatters. I mean, my place is rather emptied out already.
3) If it was a legit attempt at theft, I have to assume that whoever do not bother to check the place out ahead of time. If they did, they would have noted both the dog and that nearly everything worth anything is already gone. If this is the case, again- morons.

All this did was piss me off and make me waste 5 minutes repairing the screen (luckily, it's one of those that you can repair with a screwdriver).

And to whomever tried to break in:
I sincerely wish your family suffers and dies horribly in front of your eyes (perhaps to do with a wood-chipper), and later that day something indescribably painful happens to your scrotum only moments after you get ass-raped with an extremely large and ill-tempered sea anemone.
Fucker.

Just In Case

Well, it's now under 20 hours until I leap to my doom from a plane. Gotta admit, I'm kinda nervous. I hope skydiving's not as terrifying as I imagine it to be. I hope it's actually fun. I hope it's a thrill and I want to try it again. I hope I don't sh*t myself on the way down... or before I jump.

But just in case (oooo, nice link to the title!) of any unforeseen incidents (the chute doesn't open, the chute opens but the tandem harness breaks and my instructor watches helplessly as I plummet to my death, zombies, the plane is hijacked and forced to fly to Detroit, The Rapture, the inflight movie is "Paul Blart: Mall Cop", we hit a flock of sparrows while in freefall and I'm harpooned to death by dozens of tiny beaks, a meteorite smacks right into my groin, zombie sparrows- stuff like that), I'd like to say it's been nice knowing you. Some nicer than others, so you others should have tried harder- ya slackers.


See ya in hell!!!
:)

Add It To The List

I was playing with Fred this morning, as is my want. We were engaged in one of her favorite games "Ghost", where one of us is under a blanket on the bed and the other play-attacks.
So I was the one under the blanket this morning with Fred prancing around me. She reared up, paws waving around madly and (because I know it would make her happy) I did the same.

When I first got the house, I made some changes before I began moving in. One of those changes was to have a friend install a new light fixture in my bedroom, for which I owed her a vegetarian pizza (come to think of it- I still owe her that pizza). The new fixture is a hanging pagoda on a strong metal pole coming down from the ceiling.

When I reared up, mirroring Fred, the back of my left hand connected with the edge of the pagoda. Very, very hard. So hard in fact that I broke the pagoda. According to the x-ray (can you see where this is going?), I also broke the middle metacarpal in my hand. Not a full break, just a healthy length-wise crack.
Hurts like a sonovabitch, even typing is uncomfortable (although my pain meds have really taken the edge off). Not cast-worthy, but I have to wear a brace for a coupla weeks.


Go'head- laugh it up, folks!!

You Wound Me

I'm accident-prone, or as I prefer it- injury-prone. I typically joke that it's only my scar tissue & willpower that's holding me together.

As I currently hold an ice-pack to my eye (I just got habanero juice in it), I note that I have been asked "are you TRYING to kill yourself" by 3 different people in less than a week. Possibly it has something to do with the 3 recent cuts in my head:
The first... hell- I don't even REMEMBER how that happened. Only a little 1/2-inch nick on the top.
The second was last week when I fell out of a tree. Well, technically I was still in the tree. I was picking oranges for someone and the only ones left were near the top. I was perched on my 3-step ladder (on the handle of my 3-step ladder) when one of the ladder's legs sank into the mud. I lost balance and fell through the branches, getting lodged mostly upside-down in the crook of the tree. I received several scratches on my arms, but didn't notice I had cut my head until I showered the next day (there was blood on the towel after I dried my hair). It turned out to be a nice little gouge.
The third happened Saturday. I cracked my head on a shelf in my closet. Inch long gash right next to the first cut.


sigh
I'm not off to a great start in the new year....

Like I Need More Drama

Main Entry: dra·ma
Function: noun
Etymology: Late Latin dramat-, drama, from Greek, deed, drama, from dran to do, act
Date: 1515
1 a: a composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance : play — compare closet drama b: a movie or television production with characteristics (as conflict) of a serious play ; broadly : a play, movie, or television production with a serious tone or subject
2: dramatic art, literature, or affairs
3 a: a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces b: dramatic state, effect, or quality
4: my life


There are times I have difficulty determining whether I create my own Drama, Drama deliberately seeks me out for its own sake, or Drama is thrust upon me by others. Sometimes it's more clear than others. Like the current situation I'm in. Well... one of them anyways. I like to juggle several Dramas at a time, just to keep things interesting. But instead of whinging on about this current FEH (Fucking Experience in Hell) (because- let's face it- I could have handled it all FAR better than I did), I find myself wondering what people sans The Drama do.
...
Wake up each day. Get ready for work. Momentarily interact with their spouse/children/family unit/mate. Go to work. Work. Lunch. Work. Go home. Idly pass some time until dinner. Eat dinner. Bide their time until sleep. Sleep.
...
Damn, that sounds nice and dull. I mean, everyone has days like that where you seem to drift through the day. It just happens. But to not have vastly odd and wacky shit occur on a random yet seemingly regular basis? No wonder people immerse themselves in booze, drugs, TV, or games (video, online, RPG, etc) where they get to be something they're not. They're so bored from lack of Drama they have to find some way to escape everyday life. Where's the spark?
Me? The Drama IS the everyday. The Mundane is so unusual it's bliss to me. Nothing makes me happier than to sit on my couch with my feet up- dog sleeping with her head resting on my leg- logs crackling in the fireplace. Why? Because it's dullsville.

Have phone conversations of yours included the following phrases?
"let me call you back, the kitchen's on fire",
"my headache feels better ever since I walked into that wall",
"oh, I'm in the backyard, chopping up chairs with a battle-axe" (from this afternoon- not kidding),
"huh, don't see that every day" (seeing someone drive a Toyota hatchback up I-99 dressed as a clown (from last week)),
"hey- I have to let you go, my ambulance just showed up",
"how long do you think it takes for a PlayStation controller to pass through a dog's digestive tract?",
"PINNED UNDER CAR. CHAT L8R" (a text message),
"hmmm, I wonder how that stone got lodged in my thigh...?",
"laid off"/ "laid off"/ "laid off"/ "they fired my ass",
"gonna be a little late getting in this morning- there're 2 skunks doing it in front of the office door and I'm not going to be the one who interupts them",
"hang on, the hotel staff is telling me I have to evacuate 'cause a tornado's on the other side of the highway. Let me check. Oooh, yep- that's a big one",
"MY TOAST FELL BEHIND THE FRIDGE!!!" (screamed at, not from, me),
"lung tumor"/ "stroke"/ "crushed foot"/ "hyperextended knee"/ "separated shoulder"/ "dislocated hip"/ ETC ETC ETC,
"she ran herself over with her own car? Now that takes talent",
"that's not good- I can see the bone",
"so I met this woman" (always an indication of future Drama).

If you regularly utter these phrases or some similar, you too may suffer Drama and should consult your doctor- 'cause that bastard'll just give you something else to worry about.

But if you are a Drama magnet like me, you look forward to a little boredom now and again- peaceful, quiet contentment.
The calm before the storm.